If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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