So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
