So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
