he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
