it was like his penis was on wheels.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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