Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
