hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
They took my balls.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
