some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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