FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
