Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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