WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
