Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
