Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
