I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
