are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
