what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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