Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he shaved USA in his pubs
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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