So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
