if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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