so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
they need to just BURY HIM!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
