You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
