OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
