i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
