He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
