guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
