He kissed a someone with a penis
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize