she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
