Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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