Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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