There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
