You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
do herpes really smell.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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