Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
