i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
