I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
