I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
