They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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