I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
