Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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