I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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