How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
