can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
