12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
