Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
