id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
