You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it because I queefed?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
