Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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