We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
