Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
