in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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