Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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