he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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