He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
