If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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