um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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