no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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