So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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