are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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