Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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