what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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