Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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