Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
