why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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