I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
