As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
