it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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