He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
