i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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