if only i could text you this smell
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
