how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When did angry sex become our thing?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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