just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
