4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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