my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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