Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
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She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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