Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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