I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
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Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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