At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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