Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
