i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
